there was something triggering this memory and now I feel so very horrible about something I did like two years ago and THIS IS OVERWHELMING AND I’M SO AWKWARD AND WOULD REALLY LIKE TO HURT MYSELF RIGHT NOW
I can’t even put into words how much I love my choir and that is something everyone should be privileged to experience.
I AM A SHITTY FRIEND I AM A SHITTY DAUGHTER BUT MOST IMPORTANT I AM A SHITTY SISTER
I do want to live.
but this is not the life I want to lead?!
I really feel terrible.
Latin was very bad today and I had an anxiety attack in class and I can’t help but think I’m getting worse. I have gone through months, half a year even without cutting, but now I can’t believe it hasn’t even been two weeks since I relapsed and oh, what would I give to cut right now!
It’s so weird, I think I want to see my previous councillor again because speaking to her was much better than therapy is right now although she’s no therapist. But i don’t even want to think about articulating this to my therapist or her because I will not have the heart to. It just doesn’t feel like my new therapist really cares about me - I mean that’s understandable because for her I’m only one of many patients. She also just doesn’t have much time which is again, understandable. it still makes me sad.
I just want to be normal
As I’m changing my main blog to personal, this side blog might be deleted or be only a diary blog !