What if i’m never getting better…
yeah, it’s great to see old friends again…..especially great when you don’t know if it’s the last time you see them because they have cancer….and all you want is to hug them or at least talk to them but there’s something bugging you, namely years you haven’t talked…and you don’t want to seem like you’re just pitying them..and the whole time you’re overwhelmed by all the happy times you had togethet and how you really miss tjem and you’re upset how much it affects you….and nobody notices
there was something triggering this memory and now I feel so very horrible about something I did like two years ago and THIS IS OVERWHELMING AND I’M SO AWKWARD AND WOULD REALLY LIKE TO HURT MYSELF RIGHT NOW
I can’t even put into words how much I love my choir and that is something everyone should be privileged to experience.
I AM A SHITTY FRIEND I AM A SHITTY DAUGHTER BUT MOST IMPORTANT I AM A SHITTY SISTER
I do want to live.
but this is not the life I want to lead?!
I really feel terrible.
Latin was very bad today and I had an anxiety attack in class and I can’t help but think I’m getting worse. I have gone through months, half a year even without cutting, but now I can’t believe it hasn’t even been two weeks since I relapsed and oh, what would I give to cut right now!
It’s so weird, I think I want to see my previous councillor again because speaking to her was much better than therapy is right now although she’s no therapist. But i don’t even want to think about articulating this to my therapist or her because I will not have the heart to. It just doesn’t feel like my new therapist really cares about me - I mean that’s understandable because for her I’m only one of many patients. She also just doesn’t have much time which is again, understandable. it still makes me sad.
I just want to be normal
As I’m changing my main blog to personal, this side blog might be deleted or be only a diary blog !